Vegan Freak and proud :)

onelastgo @ 2009-05-16T01:07:00

2009-05-16T00:08:08Z

i adore maya angelou

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

onelastgo @ 2009-03-17T17:21:00

2009-03-17T17:25:03Z

did anyone buy last weeks closer?? it had an article in it about my friend (lisa dalton) who i was in IP with, whos - apperently- dead. i was in tesco and i was reading the page where people write in with opinions on stories and there was one about "how tragic" a loss it was etc. i diddn tknow and dont read that shit normally, and i just burst in to tears. she wasnt supposed to die, she had gracie to live for (her little girl).
:'(

onelastgo @ 2009-02-10T13:32:00

2009-02-10T13:33:00Z

shit. im going to be an aunty. to identical twins. Surely people don't normally have kids at 22?

onelastgo @ 2009-02-09T21:19:00

2009-02-09T21:20:04Z

lolz i just google the lyrics to the song in a car advert, something like "in not invisible touch me i won't disappear" and came up with a somethingfishy site. O_o

onelastgo @ 2009-02-05T08:54:00

2009-02-05T08:55:56Z

Ohmy god,i justwoke up and looked outside and just Wow. there is so much snow it's fantastic and its still coming down. ~~im gonna have to build a snow man now,~~done. hes 5.5 tall, has three tiers, two red onions buried in his face for eyes, a potatoe nose, and a fae painted on with a beetroot, which i accidently dropped on two his kneck - he looks a bit blood splattered.
earliest snowman i have ever built.

onelastgo @ 2009-01-27T14:04:00

2009-01-27T14:21:22Z

one thing i really hate about EDs is there ability to desytroy or, even worse, completely pervert your intersets beleifs and character: you love xcountry - great you will be running till you take out your knee, enjoy photography? you will be taking dozens of masochistic photos in front of the mirror,inteligent? put that to thinking of more ways to lose weight, determined? beat the hunger! thrill seeking? you will be shoplifting diet pills, laxitives or food. love acting? well all the better for lying.
x

onelastgo @ 2009-01-24T23:28:00

2009-01-24T23:30:05Z

i cant fucking believe iit! im working. Working! like non stop for the past 24 hours. its fan-fucking-tastic.
and i walked into town, attened college cooked everyone tea, walked the dog. and read a book.
YES

my brother has "issues"

2008-12-03T19:25:08Z

he is driving me nuts, i just cooked him and my step dad enchiladas, and oh god i hate cooking for him.
"are there onions in this" yes, you never siad you didnt like them "i hate onions i'm NOT EATING it" okay il pick them out. then he spends five minutes stabbing and restabbing the same bean before finaly eating it. well half of it. he takes the ofrk up to his mouth, puts it back down. starts a cover conversation whilste attempting to smear the food around his plate. eventually i cut it in half and say "just eat that bit", which he agrees to. then he asks me for water, whilste im getting it for him he smuggles food over to the side he doesnt have to eat. he finaly eats most of what i wanted him to, taking gulps of water to wash it down going "BLHCK".
its ridiculous

onelastgo @ 2008-07-26T21:23:00

2008-07-26T18:35:54Z

Well ım ın turkey wıth KJ. gettıng tıred of ıt now - ı mıss food stayıng ın my stomach. ıve lost weıght. ı dont even want to know how much (guessıng 7+lbs) PISSED of about that (took me soo long to get on). gettıng really anoyed wıth ppls shıtty comments. ı swear ıf ı here one more person tellıng me to 'eat' (esp when ı have just brough a pastry from them) ı am goıng to get physıcal. apparently ıt ıs 'not healthy' to be thıs skınny and ı should 'eat 6 tımes a day, rıce, chıcken, and mılk espcıally'. ı actually had a TRAINIE PSYCHIATRIST come and ask me ıf ı knew ı was anorexıc. rıght. she was goıng on about how ı 'apeared' to eat well at B.F but she could see ı was only pretendıng! -ıt took me a whıle to work out that she was referıng to the fact ı put bread ın my bag (to eat later ı mıght add) ıf ı were 'hıdıng' food (whılst eatıng alone?) she wld not know about ıt - she went on to tell me ı would never be a healthy weıght 'well mabey ın 5 or ten years, maybe' bugger off, try chrıstmas.2008.
ıts funny though. before these comments would drıve me further ınto the ed, 'you look thın' was heard as 'you,re succeedıng' 'you look anorexıc' was 'keep ıt up' etc. now though attentıon for my weıght just frustrates me because ıts so meanıgless. so what ıf ım very thın?? so what ıf ım very fat? or have a glass eye? ıts just one small aspect of who ı am. ıts not what ı want to be remembered for.
blagh. ı wıl post pıctures once ı get them from josıe.
love
x

onelastgo @ 2008-07-25T12:51:00

2008-07-25T09:51:50Z

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. my eyes are open I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.

onelastgo @ 2007-12-26T13:12:00

2007-12-26T20:52:18Z

Christmas was horrible, really to many ppl.
eugh.
done though now :-)
going to endure late xmas supper with grandma&granddad aunts etc etc, friday. i dont mind, its going to be not that vegan which will make it easier..
managed to get, all told, over a grand for my 18th & xmas.
i got this camera: http://www.fujifilm.co.uk/consumer/digital/digital-cameras/d-slr-long-zoom/finepix-s8000
and a digital radio/cd player.
and clothes etc
tomorow im going sales shopping in bristol, will be awfuly busy im sure, but maby gd offers.
i brought a treadmill froma argos. my mother is very unhappy about it :D haha
hope your xmas's were okay
x

onelastgo @ 2007-12-23T15:42:00

2007-12-23T23:12:35Z

heya guys :)
today was nice. i went to a cafe with my mother. she took me to get birthday food. lolz birthday courgettes, birthday cucumbers, birthday green beans. she was dissapointed i did not want her to make me a " vegan chocolate cheesecake" and no i did not want doritos. *sigh*
so i suppose this is my last post as an offical "child" whoot. i took some sleeping pills that my mum got prescribed that hopefully wont make me faint tomorow.
i think we're going to go to chelt and see a film and face what i am sure is going to be isanely busy shops. should be alright i suppose. I am going to buy alcohol. i bet i wont even be id'd - sods law an all.
well im sure it will be a nice day anyway..
night

onelastgo @ 2007-12-20T09:58:00

2007-12-20T22:13:11Z

hahahah.
my brother saw my cuts when i was sitting on the sofa. my mum and step dad were talking to each other an he said in a mock whisper "whts THAT", i was like "shhh" and he mimed someone cutting themselves, i nodded,smiled and said "shh" again. he looked at me, paused and then said "whats in it for me". i pretended he was joking and said "your christmas present"
bloody litle shit.
ha

onelastgo @ 2007-12-11T19:49:00

2007-12-17T16:50:39Z

i am so fucking upset.
TODAY SUCKEFD.
i passed out,. no biggie i think. wrong. james "has" to tell debbie (head of a level) she comes and gets me. says i need a risk assesment. okay i think - great. then she says she is going to phone home AGAINST my will. i dont get confidentiality for 7 days. then she asks me HOW MUCH I WEIGH! i say "im not discussing that with you" rude and interfering. THEN she says "you look quite well to me, this girl io knew was anorexic and she looked terrible i was often worried she might be about to die, but you dont look that bad" it left me sobbing for the whole fucking afternoon. im a crap anorexic, im fat, im pathetic. hell i shouldnt even be able to call myselgf anorexic im obviously fine. there are ppl much better than me.
dammit in 7 days i can loose weight and i will show her a proper anorexic. i will loose so much it hurts to look at me. that will bloody show her.
now tomorow i am going to have to speak to her about her stupidity. i mean of all things to say, that has to be one of the worst. i need to tell her not to say that to anyone with ed/body image issue because i dont want her to say something like that to anybpody else. it really hurt.
then james obviously felt bad because he looked really upset/guilty.
so tomoro im going to tell her.
a: do not ask weights
b:do not comment on apearence, at all, ever
c: do not ask "have you eaten" or anything like it unless you know said person very well. it just makes you feel guilty when you lie or guilty and "fat" if you have eaten.
anything else? i am also going to mention how anorexia is a verry small percentage of ed sufferers and that weight is often nothing to do with the damage being done or emotional pain sufferer is in.

onelastgo @ 2007-12-06T03:59:00

2007-12-06T21:31:48Z

im exhausted.
had mocks today, then went to cribs causeway. shattered.

onelastgo @ 2007-12-05T22:36:00

2007-12-05T22:49:28Z

Had a nice day. went for coke/magazine in tescos crappy cafe with Josie which was really good. then had apointment with an alternative health reki type woman which was alrght.
tomoro i have collage and then im going to the mall christmas shopping with my mum which will be entertaining.
weight wise im trying to maintain for the next 2weeks 4 days. then i can loose without the threat of immenent hosptilisation =). so very sad thats what im most looking forward too *rolls eyes*
have English tomorow, i am so unbelievably behind. i lose alll my notes and my home work thats due in. fuckkkk. and im getting alot of presure to attend "tutorial" and "key skills" im refusing to on the basis that im barely making it to my current lessons.
hope your all well.
x

onelastgo @ 2007-11-29T17:30:00

2007-11-29T17:34:08Z

gah this week has been crap. laptop is broken so im snatching time on family pc. going to bath sat. christmas shopping with father.. could be okay or awful depending on my energy levels/level of wellness.
have a "medical assesment" on monday...in bloddy gloucester,. erg/
lots of homework to do. cant seem to motivate myself.
hope everyones well and all..
x

onelastgo @ 2007-11-21T06:24:00

2007-11-22T00:10:42Z

this will cheer anyone up :D

After seeing the KKK thread, I thought I'd post this from Indy News:

Clowns KKKick the KKKs Ass!

Saturday May 26th the VNN Vanguard Nazi/KKK group attempted to host a hate rally to try to take advantage of the brutal murder of a white couple for media and recruitment purposes.

Unfortunately for them the 100th ARA (Anti Racist Action) clown block came and handed them their asses by making them appear like the asses they were.

Alex Linder the founder of VNN and the lead organizer of the rally kicked off events by rushing the clowns in a fit of rage, and was promptly arrested by 4 Knoxville police officers who dropped him to the ground when he resisted and dragged him off past the red shiny shoes of the clowns.

“White Power!” the Nazi’s shouted, “White Flour?” the clowns yelled back running in circles throwing flour in the air and raising separate letters which spelt “White Flour”.

“White Power!” the Nazi’s angrily shouted once more, “White flowers?” the clowns cheers and threw white flowers in the air and danced about merrily.

“White Power!” the Nazi’s tried once again in a doomed and somewhat funny attempt to clarify their message, “ohhhhhh!” the clowns yelled “Tight Shower!” and held a solar shower in the air and all tried to crowd under to get clean as per the Klan’s directions.

At this point several of the Nazi’s and Klan members began clutching their hearts as if they were about to have a heart attack. Their beady eyes bulged, and the veins in their tiny narrow foreheads beat in rage. One last time they screamed “White Power!”

The clown women thought they finally understood what the Klan was trying to say. “Ohhhhh…” the women clowns said. “Now we understand…”, “WIFE POWER!” they lifted the letters up in the air, grabbed the nearest male clowns and lifted them in their arms and ran about merrily chanting “WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER! WIFE POWER!”

It was at this point that several observers reported seeing several Klan members heads exploding in rage and they stopped trying to explain to the clowns what they wanted.

Apparently the clowns fundamentally misunderstood the nature of the rally, they believed it was a clown rally and came in force to support their pointy hated brethren. To their dismay, despite their best jokes and stunts and pratfalls the Nazis and Klan refused to laugh, and indeed became enraged at the clowns misunderstanding and constant attempts to interpret the clowns instruction.

The clowns on the other hand had a great time and thought the Nazis were the funniest thing they had ever seen and the loud laughter of over 100 counter protesters greeted every attempt of the Nazis and Klan to get their message out, whatever that was.

Many of the local Knoxvillians that came to counter demonstrate had no illusions about why these out of state bad clowns with swastikas were doing in their town.

“KKK YOU CAN’T HIDE, WE CHARGE YOU WITH GENOCIDE!”

“GAY, STRAIGHT, BLACK, WHITE ONE STRUGGLE ONE FIGHT!”

“U.G.L.Y. KLAN YOU AIN’T GOT NO ALIBI, YOU UGLY, YOU UGLY”

Were just a few of the chants that the non clown counter protesters rained down upon the Nazis. The clowns interacted with the non clown protesters with glee and even participated in a chant or two, though apparently with no idea that the Nazis were indeed not clowns thinking it was just part of the show.

In the end the 20 or so sad VNNers left with their tails between their legs. At this point over 150 counter demonstraters were present. The clowns seeing how dejected and sad the Nazi’s looked began singing to cheer them up.

“hey hey hey hey, ho ho ho ho—good bye, good bye” everyone sang waving their arms in the air in unison.

After the VNNers left in their shiny SUVs to go back to Alabama and all the other states that they were from the clowns and counter demonstrators began to march out of the area chanting ‘WHOSE STREETS? OUR STREETS!”

But the cops stopped the clowns and counter protestors. “Hey, do you want an escort” an African-American police officer on a motorcycle asked. “Yes” a clown replied. “We are walking to Market Square in the center of town to celebrate.”

The police officers got in front of the now anti racist parade and blocked the entire road for the march through the heart of Knoxville. An event called imagination station was taking place and over 15,000 thousand students and their parents were in town that weekend. Many of them cheered as the clowns, Knoxvillians and counter protestors marched through the heart of Knoxville singing and laughing at the end of the Nazi’s first attempt at having a rally in Knoxville.

On June 16th the Stormfront Nazis are trying to have a second rally in Knoxville. Clowns, anarchist, activist and others are all invited to come and creatively and nonviolently help us confront these Nazis and give them an even bigger counter rally than the first. If you can come, or can help email.

knoxvilleantiracistaction@yahoo.com

or join our myspace at:

http://www.myspace.com/knoxvilleantiracistaction

NOW THATS A DEMO!

onelastgo @ 2007-05-19T16:27:00

2007-05-19T15:29:16Z

ok ive decided to make some of theese cereal bars;
Homemade Cereal Bars
by Deborah Bessen, RD, Holy Name Hospital

Ingredients:
2 ½ cups Cheerios®, Rice Krispies® or any other cereal you like
2 cups quick-cooking oats
½ cup dried cranberries
½ cup brown sugar
½ cup maple syrup
½ cup low-fat, natural peanut butter
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Instructions:
In a large bowl mix together the cereals, oats & dried cranberries.
In a small saucepan combine the brown sugar and maple syrup over medium heat until boiling. Remove from heat and stir in peanut butter and vanilla extract until smooth. Pour over the cereal mixture and mix well.
In a baking dish greased with cooking spray press the mixture firmly using the back of a large spoon. Let cool. Cut into squares.

Makes about 18 servings.

Nutritional Information
Each serving contains:
148 calories
3 grams fat
3 grams protein
2 grams fiber

but im skipping the peanut butter and suger but adding more maple syrup - then they should be around 100cals each and suger free YAYY.

onelastgo @ 2007-05-18T13:41:00

2007-05-18T12:49:10Z

helllo
my week has been okay, 'cept christines being argumentative
hoping to get cals up to 1700 next week, damn this is hard.
today i decided to become vegan and give up suger. well i went shopping and everything has either got "rehydrated egg whites" or sugar, even my salsa has suger, my soya yoghurt and ALL the cereal bars. and all my pretend meat products (the only way i get protein 'cept from egg whts/soy yoghurt) have got egg whts in them.
so i brought;
tomatoes x2
cucumber x1
tofu x1
beached tofu x1
sweet potatoes x1
tangerines x2
porridge oats x1
courgette x2
soya "light" x 1 ( this is fantastic 21 cals per 100ml)
pinto beans x1
tin tomatoes x 1
*plain* soya yoghurt 500ml x1
letuce x 1
fanfuckingtastic i mean WHY cant there be more vegan suger free food. cereal bars were great because i could eat them when i reallly did not want to eat :(
im going back to tescos later with mum to buy nuts and look for more food.
this just doesnt seem enough for a week
meh
X

onelastgo @ 2007-05-16T13:11:00

2007-05-16T12:18:42Z

rat update; they all seem to be okay. rat mum is not protective of them if i put my hand by the nest which is good. rat mum seems to have developed a sudden liking for goji berrys, which is good because they are verry good for you. only let her have a couple though because she doesnt need diarreah now. she also loves fish and egg yolks :)
they are tiny, the "pups" And they have faces like puppies its so adorable. if i can get the camara sorted il post pictures :D
she had made this huge, nest (or fotresse) surrounding the box that the babies are in and i took a bit of so i could peek into the nest and straight away willow (the mum) was picking the pieces of tissue and cloth up in her mouth and putting them right back where i had moved them from..
food wise and its 1.20 and i have had a alpro soya yoghurt and 3 "thin" rice cakes - 180 ish
ohhh im so exited to hold them

onelastgo @ 2007-05-15T21:00:00

2007-05-15T20:04:34Z

OMG my rat has JUST given birth :D
they look like tiny pink sausages, very ugly but so cuuuuteeeeee
i cnt eait till i can hold them, does anyone know how long till you can hold baby rats?
one place said one day if the mums alrighte with it.
seems to soo n for me
oh im so happy
eaten around a 1000 today
meh
going running once i can tare myself away ...
im sitting outside her cage with my laptop in my lap

onelastgo @ 2007-05-15T00:41:00

2007-05-14T23:44:33Z

today i have eaten 1700 and something cals.
through up ALOT
ran ALOT
i want to give up on recovery but ive decide to go till the beginning of june and then reveiw it. 2 weeks two days. then i can starve myself into oblivion..
two weeks two days
two weeks two days
maby i will fast for whole of june like i did this time last year
maby i will restrict to liquids
or JUST mushrooms
i cant wait.

edit - feeling more postive today. why in the earth did i spell threw up "through up" honestly. well its was the wee hours of the morning.
why do you always feel so negatvie at night?

onelastgo @ 2007-05-12T16:39:00

2007-05-12T15:43:58Z

oh god kill me.
my grandparents are here.
after going on and ON and ON about me "needing some meat on my bones , your tiny" (I WISH, OH I WISH) lecturing mum on me not eating being her fault "this wouldnt happen to any of our children" and now insisting we eat cake together "i made it just for you".
i hate it.
hate it
hate.
i love them but god.
and my grandfather was like "how am i going to kiss you with that thing in your lip" how about DONT KISS ME.
now i feel ill.

onelastgo @ 2007-05-10T21:22:00

2007-05-10T20:27:57Z

today has been alright.
i took the sleeping pills that make me all dopey the next day and diddnt wake up till gone 11am
ive eaten 1077 calories. i think i might stop increasing,im worried im getting fat, this amount seems good. the question is; will i loose/gain on it? i really dont get how anyone (normal dieters i mean) can find limiting themselves to 1200/1500 calories that hard, its LOADS of food.
mums pissed with me for taking all the knives/forks upstairs..
i need to clean my room.
i went to see spiderman today, it was okay. not brilliant.
well i have to go start cleaning , fan-fucking-tastic.
X